Hating my Phone

After watching a recent experiment where a YouTuber got rid of his phone entirely, I have decided to reflect on my own relationship with my pocket-sized computer.

Welcome to my first Thought Piece! This piece is different than what I normally do, it is all experimental to me. I like writing poetry, but I also feel that if I am going to be a lawyer, I need to write more on certain topics and issues that express my opinions. So here is my first take. My only ask is that if you read this piece, please be respectful in the comments. You can disagree with something I said and not be an asshole. Yes, I have thick skin, but I draw the line at any -isms or any form of hatred. Just say, “I disagree with this because…” or something equivalent. I welcome a conversation, so let us be respectful to have one! Without further ado, here is my first Thought Piece, talking about phones.

I was lying down in my bed, scrolling through YouTube (my form of TikTok), when I found a video that caught my eye. It came from a YouTuber named Eddy Burback, titled “I hate my phone so I got rid of it.” I was intrigued, fascinated really by such a title and the concept, knowing that this video could be a gateway for me to see how someone managed without their phone.

And then I proceeded to scroll. Like the true procrastinator that I was.

When I finally did watch the video, it shook me to the core. First off, it is a well-done video. As part of an experiment stemming from realizing that he hated his phone (shocker, really), Eddy went without this mobile device for a solid month, locking it away in a safe, and replacing it with tools such as the landline, video cameras, the iconic Rolodex, and even notepads. He used navigational sites like MapQuest and went to Staples to print out directions. He took the bus instead of requesting an Uber. He spent his time reading, playing video games, watching TV series and movies, and spending time with his friends and family.

The end result? Eddy did not want his phone back in his life.

I do not want to summarize the whole video. I encourage you to watch it yourself (and show Eddy some love and support). But I wanted to introduce this video because it challenged me to reflect on my relationship with my phone. Now that I am back at home from graduate school, I have time to think and reflect on myself, and I came to my own conclusion.

I…also hate my phone.

I am naive when it comes to technology. There are valid concerns of safety that phones do an incredible job of alleviating (or relieving). Eddy even notes that he has certain privileges that allow for him to get rid of his phone, privileges that not everyone can experience. And I cringe at the people who say “bAcK iN mY DaY… blah blah blah.” But I will say that some of their laments are valid. I am chronically on my phone, just like Eddie was at the beginning. It has been seen as my way of escape: my hidden object game, YouTube videos at my command, and all of the news and information that I need at my fingertips. I used to believe that these kinds of things were good.

I was wrong.

My time on my phone has produced many problems in my life. I procrastinate more. I watched more YouTube. I read less. I even respond to messages more slowly. I would rather sit on my phone and watch videos of commentaries or Smash tournaments than make the commentaries myself or practice Smash myself. I see what is going on in the world, I cry, and I complain, and I lament, and I do nothing to try and change anything. I realized that my phone and its apps cause me to remain idle: consuming a lot, learning very little, and doing nothing.

But my phone offers a good excuse to not do anything. It has been my escape and my source of information. It makes my life convenient. It lulls me into a lazy state. It makes me think that I am learning when I really am not. Because I am constantly on my phone, I find myself less likely to engage with my real human life. I would rather engage with a YouTube video in the comments than interact with actual human beings.

And I hate that about this computer in my pocket.

I would love to follow in Eddy’s footsteps and eliminate my phone, only this time for good. I want my attention span back. I want to experience life more. I often fantasize about how many skills I would learn and books I could read if my phone ceased to exist. Eddy’s experiment made me think: should I rid myself of this device once and for all?

Because these reflections are recent (and because I am still struggling with procrastination), I am still deciding what to do about my relationship with this device. Yet I will say that I am learning to distance myself from my phone. I have my own legitimate reasons as to why I need my phone (my job, updates on law school, my safety). But I am learning that boundaries are important for both people AND technology. To set those boundaries, we first have to seriously reflect on that relationship with our phones. And to be honest about that relationship is an essential first step.

I do not want to hate my phone. I want to use it for the incredible tool that it is. Yet for the moment, I have to set boundaries. It means telling my phone “no” or “maybe later” so I can focus on rebuilding the humanity that has collapsed around me. Like any other relationship that we have, I must learn to love myself first. And my phone has made my life convenient, but it has also made me hate myself, too. Currently, it feels like I am in a toxic relationship, where I get very little, if anything at all, being poured back into me, while my phone gets all of the love and attention. I want to make this relationship healthy. To set boundaries with my phone. To set time aside to focus on myself. To remember that I am a human worthy of love and to experience life to the fullest.

Maybe after remembering that special fact, I can learn to love my phone again.